My husband, Martin and I just celebrated our 5th wedding Anniversary (although we have been together much longer) , and my parents just celebrated their 39th.
As a photographer, I have been to many weddings; especially this year with quite a few family and friend weddings to add to the calendar.
In my opinion, a wedding is just the start or a celebration of what is to come (kind of like New Year’s Eve), then the work begins for a successful marriage. I think marriage can look perfect, broken, and everything in between when we are looking from the outside in, but I do feel that every marriage and for that matter every relationship goes through a cycle of those times too.
The best advice that I have ever received or read is you must put in 100/100, not 50/50 of yourself, because sometimes your partner may not be able to give the amount you need them too give and vice versa. Just like anything, put 100% of yourself into whatever you want.
Another piece of advice was the “marriage box” when you get married it is empty, and it is what you put into that box, as well as what you take out over the years that will either overflow your box with love and happiness, or leave your box empty and both of you feeling hurt and alone.
Lastly, I believe in unconditional love with your partner; just as you would with your child. Don’t give yourself “out” excuses, just love and believe in yourself and in your partner. If you are always filling someone up with love, happiness and putting them before yourself (as we do with our children, even when it can tear us to the bone doing so), then shouldn’t our partner be loved the same way?
Don’t two become one?
If they are not happy, then I am not happy, and on and on?
Marriage is not just a signed piece of paper, it is a daily essay. But the essay that we need to work on every day, should be something we want to work on. It should be something that you are passionate about, in my opinion. The things that we are passionate about in life, we want to work on.
It helps us to treasure the calm beautiful ordinary days, and It gets us through those hard times.
When those hard times happen, and life throws you curve ball after curve ball; and you keep swinging that bat but your turn at bat seems to be taking more than 9 innings and you wonder where the heck are all your teammates?
That is when you MUST put more into the box, love harder, give more than 100%, pay attention, keep swinging…not just when your partner is struggling, but when you are as well. Don’t look for an easy way, don’t look for saving; just keep swinging and have faith in yourself and in your marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful bond that nobody else has with your spouse.
Marriage is that feeling of butterflies when you are so excited to share something; and you have someone to do that with. Marriage is someone that you can share the most deepest, most scary or intimate parts of who you are, and you’re loved anyways; without conditions.
Marriage may not be for everyone; everyone may not agree with what I am saying. But what I am saying, is I am blessed to be married to a man that believes in everything that I have wrote here. I am blessed to have many roles models that marriages, despite obstacles, last! The love and connection only grows through time. Just like anything, without hard work, nothing will grow but weeds, so grow love!